occupation descriptions   
    Occupational Descriptions

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the
value of nothing.

An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle  and  bayonets all
the wounded.

A  banker  is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is
shining and wants it back the minute it  begins  to  rain.  (Mark
Twain)

An economist  is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he
predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks  the
personality to be an accountant.

An  actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because
that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the
plane.

A  programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had
in a way you don't understand.

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat
which isn't there.

A  topologist  is a man who doesn't know the difference between a
coffee cup and a doughnut.

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and  calls it
a "brief."

A  psychologist  is  a  man  who  watches  everyone  else  when a
beautiful girl enters the room.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used  to  think  she
liked children.

A  consultant  is  someone who takes the watch off your wrist and
tells you the time.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell  in  such  a way
that you will look forward to the trip.


 
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