The First Witness
The prosecutor in a small town called
his first witness to the stand. A
frail, grandmotherly woman sat down
and was sworn in. He approached her
and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you
Mr. Williams. I've known you since you
were a young boy. And frankly, you've
been a big disappointment to me. You lie,
you cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their
backs. You think you're a rising big shot
when you haven't the brains to realize you
never will amount to anything more than a
two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The prosecutor was stunned. But, he had
enough presence of mind to point across
the room and ask: "Mrs. Williams, do you
know the defense attorney?"
She replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known
Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too.
I used to baby-sit him for his parents.
And he, too, has been a real disappointment
to me. He's lazy. He's bigoted. And he
has a drinking problem. The man can't have
a normal relationship with anyone and his
law practice is one of the shoddiest in
the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the
courtroom to silence and called both
counselors to the bench. In a very
quiet but emphatic voice, he intoned:
"If either of you asks her if she knows
me you'll be in jail for contempt in less
time than it takes to tell about it!"
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