Joint Writing
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?
Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor
at Southern Methodist University, English 44A, SMU, Creative
Writing, Prof. Miller.
In-class Assignment for Wednesday:
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem
story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with
the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you
will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The
partner will read the first paragraph and then add another
paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third
paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what
has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.
The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
"The following was actually turned in by two of my English
students:
Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted."
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STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.
The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings
at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in
happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must
now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness
was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her
asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.
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Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things
to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo
named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year
ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed
out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay.
The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across
the cockpit.
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He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not
before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically
brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him.
Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards
the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming
of her youth-when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree,
with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her
from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things
around her.
"Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
pondered wistfully.
---------------------------------------------------------
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership
launchedthe first of its lithium fusion missiles.
The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral
Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a
defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined
to destroy the human race.
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian
ships were on course for Earth,carrying enough firepower to
pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they
swiftly initiated their diabolical plan.
The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded.
The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably
massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other
Americans.
The President slammed his fist on the conference table.
"We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!
Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
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This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate
adolescent.
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Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts
at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
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Asshole.
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Bitch.
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