Dear Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting
software; severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry
applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of
this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0
uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5,
CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs
such as PokerNight 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and
ClutterEverywhere 4.5.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system.
Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this general
purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!
Signed
Jane
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Dear Jane:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to
a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband
1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator
to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband
1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do
this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0
to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per
year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common,
and a normal part of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of their "old
time "favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women
have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women
end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.
Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support". You will notice
that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I
recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange
and illogical system.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a
wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company
as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL
responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause.
To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED
ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the
command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and
Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create
additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give C:\I
APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal opera tions.
Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse
yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to
create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to
delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all
GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all
the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it
does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider
buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend
HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction,these
utilities an really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several
years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many
valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and
BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution!
Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a
supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating
system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until
MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband
1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.
We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!
Sincerely, Tech Support
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